I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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