Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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