And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
