Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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