um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
