That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
