OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
