Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
