I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
