My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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