My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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