I feel great
I just peed on a car
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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