The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
