U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
