I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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