Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
