The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my being single is dangerous.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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