I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
