I never want to see another naked old woman again.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
