I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
