atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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