if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
