Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
