Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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