I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
