I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
