Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
