what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
