Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
