I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
