I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
