When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dignity is for republicans.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
