Just fell off a train. Bad.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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