i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
