I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
