it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
