It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
