i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
