I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
