I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
