So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
