and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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