I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
