i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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