btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
