...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
