Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
