New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
