Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
