He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
