cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
