do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
