It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
